Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
