i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
