Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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