i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
being pregnant is like rehab
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
