is wine microwaveable?
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
