my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
