just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
