New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Randomize
