I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i permit you to call me
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
