New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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