Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
