my sisters under your porch take her home
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize