i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
