i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
