she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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