are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
