then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
