Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
