how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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