don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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