we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
