I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
