Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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