I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
