In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
