You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
