We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize