I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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