is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
