dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
