I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
