Betty ford says i'm here all night
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
