She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
