so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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