She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
