Tell her she can't have a vagina
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
