Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize