help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
