im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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