i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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