come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
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