it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
