if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
