dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
