Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
