She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
