my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
