you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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