I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
