i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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