she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
