I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
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