oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
