it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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