Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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