Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
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