I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize