So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
