The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
