Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
