My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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