You're a womanizer and a bitch.
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
