help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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