I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
whose parrot is this?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
