i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
