Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
