she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
