Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Less talking, more tequila
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
