singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
