So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize