she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize