we have officially lost it.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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