don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
