My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
