WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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