Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
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