right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
