I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
Randomize
