I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
