I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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