I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
