marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
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