Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
