this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I just want to make out with him forever
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize